Godly Sorrow

I really hate myself and dislike myself when i say the wrong things and i hurt other people unknowingly.
I'm so upset, i cried.

SORRY.

I really shouldn't have said it.
I thought that i was just telling that to mikki, my best friend. But i just shouldn't have said it. It hurts!

SORRY.

I just felt so low and unworthy, how many times have i done this which i shouldn't have said?
Michelle, why you never learnt?

First was V & D incident.
Now is C incident.
I shouldn't have hurt someone that i respected and who is my friend.

SORRY that i have hurt you. This is so subtle yet blunt.

I must really learn to be more considerate.

There's someone that never fails to make me cry buckets, Shaun, my ex-cgl.
I have been under him for 4 yrs. I gena the most scolding from him but i'm also the most stubborn one.

He disciples me, and yet he never fails to make me feel loved and encourages me to jiayou and move on.
He is my most respected and loved leader.
I don't want to disappoint him. I want to change.
I don't want to get discipled in the same area over and over again. This only goes to show that i have not changed.

God, please show me what is Godly sorrow, what is true repentance.

Luke15:11-31 (Contemporary English Version)Two Sons

11Jesus also told them another story:

Once a man had two sons. 12The younger son said to his father, "Give me my share of the property." So the father divided his property between his two sons.

13Not long after that, the younger son packed up everything he owned and left for a foreign country, where he wasted all his money in wild living. 14He had spent everything, when a bad famine spread through that whole land. Soon he had nothing to eat.

15He went to work for a man in that country, and the man sent him out to take care of his pigs. ^[a] 16He would have been glad to eat what the pigs were eating, ^[b] but no one gave him a thing. 17Finally, he came to his senses and said, "My father's workers have plenty to eat, and here I am, starving to death! 18I will go to my father and say to him, `Father, I have sinned against God in heaven and against you. 19I am no longer good enough to be called your son. Treat me like one of your workers.' "

20The younger son got up and started back to his father. But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt sorry for him. He ran to his son and hugged and kissed him.

21The son said, "Father, I have sinned against God in heaven and against you. I am no longer good enough to be called your son."

22But his father said to the servants, "Hurry and bring the best clothes and put them on him. Give him a ring for his finger and sandals ^[c] for his feet. 23Get the best calf and prepare it, so we can eat and celebrate. 24This son of mine was dead, but has now come back to life. He was lost and has now been found." And they began to celebrate. 25The older son had been out in the field. But when he came near the house, he heard the music and dancing.

True repentance is willingness to humble yourself to the lowest state and be a servant.

Just like the "Lost Son", i am the "Lost Daughter" to my mum. I have been so rebellious and i hate to be controlled by my mum.
I just wanted things my very own way and do my own things. I was stubborn and proud.

But i don't want to be like this anymore. God, please help me to change. I don't want to be so disobedient and rebellious and stubborn.

How do i change then???

God i pray that as i do my best, you will help me by doing the rest!