Today was MOTHER'S DAY...
I went for church service and watched the drama and some church members giving speeches in front of their mums.
I began to tear as i hear about what each and every single one of the people said to their mums.
It was not the profound or complicated words, but they just said simple words of what their mum did for them and what they were before and who they are today because of their mums.
I was touched yet sad as i heard all these.
I felt like i could never say such words to my mum.
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I've always hated my mum because she abandoned me and left me at my grandma's house.
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I have never felt the love of a proper and complete family like other kids.
When i was very young, i would think that no one in this world understands and loves me.
I hated why such things would happen to me.
WHY did i not have a father?
WHY did my mum abandon me?
WHY does no one understands me at home?
Though i was a kid, i hated life and have thoughts of ending my life when i meet with anything that goes wrong. I would hit myself and bite myself in frustration as i felt no one loved me or cared for me.
Though i came to know God at 12yrs old and i know that I am not fatherless but i have a heavenly Father, I never talked much to my mum. We could even not talk at all for 2yrs because of a conflict. I told myself that i don't have a mother at all.
The hurt of rejection was so deep and it was not healed.
Until God spoke to me about forgiveness...when i was in sec3.
I said a prayer of forgiveness, forgave her.
Met up with Mum and reconciled.
It was then that i know about another shocking truth, my Dad actually ran away with another woman, and he never came back at all since he left when i was an infant. My mum could not take the stress of taking care of my 12yrs older sister, new home to pay, a job and the emotional trauma, the decided to give me away. Thinking that my grandparents already lost a son, mum doesn't want to be selfish to keep me all for herself.
I was shocked!
Because, all the while grandma and auntie told me that my mum didn't want to take care of me that's why she left me all alone with grandma.
To realise that i have wronged my mother for 15yrs.
I felt really guilty.
The Mum that i've hated was the Mum who actually loved me so much.
So i've forgiven her from everything...
When i was very young, i would think that no one in this world understands and loves me.
I hated why such things would happen to me.
WHY did i not have a father?
WHY did my mum abandon me?
WHY does no one understands me at home?
Though i was a kid, i hated life and have thoughts of ending my life when i meet with anything that goes wrong. I would hit myself and bite myself in frustration as i felt no one loved me or cared for me.
Though i came to know God at 12yrs old and i know that I am not fatherless but i have a heavenly Father, I never talked much to my mum. We could even not talk at all for 2yrs because of a conflict. I told myself that i don't have a mother at all.
The hurt of rejection was so deep and it was not healed.
Until God spoke to me about forgiveness...when i was in sec3.
I said a prayer of forgiveness, forgave her.
Met up with Mum and reconciled.
It was then that i know about another shocking truth, my Dad actually ran away with another woman, and he never came back at all since he left when i was an infant. My mum could not take the stress of taking care of my 12yrs older sister, new home to pay, a job and the emotional trauma, the decided to give me away. Thinking that my grandparents already lost a son, mum doesn't want to be selfish to keep me all for herself.
I was shocked!
Because, all the while grandma and auntie told me that my mum didn't want to take care of me that's why she left me all alone with grandma.
To realise that i have wronged my mother for 15yrs.I felt really guilty.
The Mum that i've hated was the Mum who actually loved me so much.So i've forgiven her from everything...
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